There is always something to DO.
A project to finish. A deadline to meet. A house to clean. A meal to prepare. A commitment to honor. Someone who needs something from us. Or us needing something from someone.
And for many of us, there is great satisfaction in checking that box and getting things DONE.
I understand that. I can be very task-oriented. There have been times in my life when I was so focused on what needed to get done that I lost sight of how I was showing up while doing it. That focus on getting things done also affected the people around me, and not always in a positive way. The people I worked with. The people I loved. The people who shared my home.
The task became the priority. Getting it finished became the goal. I was so busy being a Human DOing that I forgot I was a Human BEing!
One question that I now ask myself has changed how I experience my life and how I show up for the people in it: Who am I BEing while I'm busy DOing?
We can accomplish everything on our list and create an experience of frustration, impatience, judgment, guilt, or pressure for ourselves and the people around us. And we can accomplish those very same things while BEing patient, loving, kind, playful, and present.
The tasks haven't changed. Who we're BEing while doing them has. And that changes the entire experience.
The goal isn't to DO less. It's to become more intentional about who we choose to BE while we're DOing. We don't have to wait until everything is finished to experience patience, love, kindness, playfulness, or presence. We bring those qualities with us.
So often, we approach life from the opposite direction. We tell ourselves that once we DO enough, we'll HAVE what we want, and THEN we'll finally BE happy, peaceful, confident, or fulfilled. When I finish everything on my list, I'll be able to relax. When the house is clean, I'll feel at peace. When I accomplish that goal, I'll feel good about myself.
Sound familiar? That's DO–HAVE–BE.
And sometimes we approach life as DO–BE–HAVE. We believe we have to accomplish something first to become the person we want to be, and then we'll have the life or experience we're seeking.
Both approaches put DOing first.
And there's another way to experience life. BE–DO–HAVE.
What if we choose who we want to BE first? What if we choose to BE peaceful while cleaning the house? Playful while preparing dinner? Patient while working through a challenge? Loving while having a difficult conversation?
The responsibilities are still there. The things that need to get done are still there. Yet the experience we're creating for ourselves and everyone around us can be entirely different. We aren't waiting for life to become a certain way before we choose how to show up. We're bringing who we choose to BE into the life we're living right now.
And there's another place where this matters just as much. Our relationship with ourselves.
Isn't it interesting that we can be so committed to becoming a better version of ourselves that we forget to BE loving toward the person we already are? We examine what we need to improve. We notice what we haven't accomplished. We recognize things we wish we'd handled differently. And sometimes, instead of using that awareness to make a new choice, we turn it into a reason to judge ourselves. Self-reflection isn't supposed to become self-rejection.
There is a difference between recognizing that our actions haven't aligned with our values and concluding that we aren't good enough. One creates an opportunity to grow. The other creates a story about who we are.
We can acknowledge where we've fallen short, take responsibility for our actions, and choose differently without making ourselves wrong in the process. We don't have to stop loving who we are in order to grow into who we're becoming. And if kindness, patience, love, and grace are qualities we value, why wouldn't we bring them into the way we treat ourselves?
Imagine how different an ordinary day could feel if we began asking ourselves one simple question: Who do I choose to BE right now? Not when the laundry is finished. Not when everyone has done what I've asked. Not when I've accomplished the next goal.
Right now! While we're doing the dishes, working with our colleagues, driving to an appointment, supporting someone we love, or looking at everything we didn't finish today. We get to choose how we show up. And when we notice that we've slipped back into being impatient, frustrated, demanding, or unkind, we get to choose again.
That's the beautiful thing about awareness. It gives us an opportunity to choose something different. We don't have to get it right every moment to live with intention. We simply keep bringing ourselves back to who we choose to BE.
Because life isn't only about everything we get done.
It's also about the experience we create while we're doing it.
An Invitation
As you go about your day, notice a moment when you're focused on getting something DONE.
Ask yourself: Who am I BEing right now? Does that reflect who I say I am and what I value?
If it does, recognize and celebrate that! If it doesn't, give yourself the grace to choose differently.
Bring that awareness into whatever you're doing, and remember to extend the same kindness, love, and grace to yourself.
Be Kinder Than Necessary (BKTN365™),
Jerilyn Brown
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