“I love your dress.”
“This old thing? I've had it forever.”
Sound familiar?
Someone offers us a compliment, and before we've even allowed the words to land, we've brushed them aside.
Someone offers to support us.
“No, thanks. I've got it.”
Someone wants to treat us to lunch.
“Oh no, I couldn't let you do that.”
We may think we're being polite. Humble. Independent. Maybe even generous. I used to think so too. Then someone explained giving and receiving to me in a way I had never considered.
She asked me to look at the other side of the coin. Giving only exists because someone is willing to receive. If everyone insists on being the giver, who's left to be the receiver?
When someone offers us a compliment and we dismiss it, we take away their opportunity to give us those words. When someone genuinely wants to support us and we immediately say, “No, I've got it,” we take away their opportunity to offer that support. When someone wants to treat us to something and our automatic response is, “Oh, I couldn't let you do that,” we may believe we're being considerate. However, what if we're taking away their opportunity to experience giving?
That stopped me.
I had always thought saying no made me the giver—the kind, humble one. I wasn't inconveniencing anyone. I wasn't asking too much. I thought I was being considerate.
Then, I began to see it differently. We think we're generous when we say no. Yet, it takes away another person's opportunity to give.
That doesn't mean we need to accept every offer that comes our way. It means we can allow the offer to land. We can receive the intention behind it. We can consider it before automatically turning it down.
Sometimes, the kindest response is to receive with a simple: “Thank you.”
I've become much more aware of this over the years. When someone gives me a compliment, I practice receiving it with sincere gratitude. When someone offers support, I allow myself to consider the offer rather than at once saying I can do it myself. When someone wants to do something kind for me, I remember that receiving their kindness doesn't make me less capable. It allows another person to experience their generosity, kindness, support, and love. It allows that part to be expressed.
And something else happens when we allow ourselves to receive. We create connections. When we continually turn away someone's offer of kindness, generosity, or support, eventually they may stop offering. Each time we say, “No, I've got it,” we may unknowingly close a door someone was trying to open.
A door to connection.
A door to a deeper relationship.
A door that allows another person to experience themselves as someone who contributes, supports, loves, and matters.
Giving allows me to experience myself as generous. Receiving allows you to experience yourself as generous. Neither of us must occupy one role all the time. Sometimes I give. Sometimes I receive. Sometimes you give. Sometimes you receive. That's a relationship.
If I insist on always being the giver, I deny someone else the experience I value so much myself. What if being a gracious receiver is one of the most generous things we can do for a giver?
Recently, I was challenged to practice what I preach.
For years, I had imagined spending three days at a beautiful destination spa—staying there, slowing down, being pampered, and allowing myself to be cared for.
There isn't anything quite like what I envisioned near my home, so I created my own version. For three days, I took myself to a beautiful spa. I allowed myself to slow down. To be pampered. To receive.
The old me found a hundred reasons why three days at a spa were unnecessary. This time, I allowed myself to receive from myself. I was Being Kinder Than Necessary to myself.
Giving and receiving aren't opposites competing. They're complementary. Each makes the other possible. Receiving someone's generosity. Receiving support. Receiving a compliment. Receiving from ourselves. Our willingness to receive is part of what makes giving possible.
Creating a kinder, more peaceful world isn't only about what we're willing to give. It's also about what we're willing to receive.
Be Kinder Than Necessary (BKTN365™),
Jerilyn Brown
An Invitation
Notice what happens inside you the next time someone offers you kindness, support, generosity, or a compliment.
Perhaps the kindest response is to receive with a simple:
“Thank you.”
Be Kinder Than Necessary (BKTN365™),
Jerilyn Brown Founder, Your Kind Mind™ | Creator of Mind Over Meh™
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