Blog #8 landed in your inbox a few days ago, even though it should have landed there two weeks earlier.
You're reading Blog #9 only a few days later because I made a commitment to myself about when I would write and publish The Kindness Kronicles™. I chose to honor the commitment I had already made and bring my schedule back into alignment with it.
I didn't meet that commitment exactly as I had planned.
That's the truth.
Over those two weeks, life was full. I traveled back and forth between Las Vegas and Orange County twice in five days. I had two IEPs to write. I needed to finish the second edition of my guided process book and get it to the printer in time for the women joining my October Mind Over Meh™ gathering. I was teaching, working toward other commitments I had made, and taking care of the ordinary responsibilities of daily life.
Those are the circumstances.
They aren't excuses.
Something had to move.
This time, it was the blog.
There was a time when being two weeks late would have given me plenty of time to make up stories about myself:
- I should have managed my time better.
- I should have stayed up later.
- I said I would do this.
- Maybe I'm not good enough to do this.
Yet none of those stories would have gotten Blog #8 written any sooner. They would have only given me more reasons to feel bad about myself.
What I needed was discernment.
Discernment allowed me to look at what was actually in front of me, consider what required my attention, and make choices about where to place my time and energy. And within that discernment, there was room for grace. Grace isn't what allows us to abandon our commitments. Grace is what allows us to return to them without first beating ourselves up for having missed them.
That's an important distinction.
Giving ourselves grace doesn't mean pretending something didn't happen or making excuses for it.
Grace isn't an escape hatch from responsibility.
Grace and truth can exist together.
Discernment simply asks:
What happened?
- Maybe the circumstances were beyond our control.
- Maybe we did the best we could.
- Maybe we procrastinated.
- Maybe we made a choice we wouldn't make again.
- Maybe we knew better and chose differently anyway.
These observations don't require judgment. They are simply different truths.
Personal responsibility asks the next question:
What part of this is mine?
Maybe there is nothing we would change. Maybe there is something we need to own. Maybe there is a choice we would make differently next time.
And then there is grace. Grace doesn't wait at the end to see whether we passed the test.
Grace belongs in all of it. Grace is not something we earn.
It allows us to hear the truth without using it as a weapon against ourselves.
We can see what happened. We can own what is ours. We can choose differently when needed. And we can do all of that without turning what we did—or didn't do—into a judgment about who we are.
And then we get to choose what comes next. For me, that meant publishing Blog #8 as soon as I could and returning to write Blog #9 now.
Grace didn't release me from my commitment. It allowed me to return to it without punishing myself along the way.
Real life will interrupt our plans. Something will take longer than expected. A priority will change. We will occasionally overestimate how much we can accomplish. And yes, sometimes we will simply make a choice we later wish we had made differently.
We can spend our energy criticizing ourselves for what has already happened. Or we can tell ourselves the truth, give ourselves grace, and choose what comes next.
Today, I'm choosing what comes next. And you're reading it.
Be Kinder Than Necessary (BKTN365™),
Jerilyn Brown
An Invitation
Tell yourself the truth.
Give yourself grace.
Choose what comes next.
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